I recently read these dating pointers and thought I'd pass them along to any single people who are reading this.
Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates
“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: people are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner’s values coincide — and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off (or fall head over heels) until you’ve done your due diligence.
Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must-have list”
New rule: A “must-have list” looks great on paper, but paper won’t keep you warm at night
You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, etc. — but unless you’re building your partner in a lab, you’re missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to cigarette smoke and eager to start a family... but settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says Fleming. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your wish list describing your ideal mate as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.
Old rule: Opposites attract
New rule: Opposites distract
Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of relating to someone really new and different than your usual type, lots of challenging banter and scintillating chemistry — but sustaining a partnership with this person may ultimately prove to be unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life, that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do together outside of the bedroom. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?”
Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience
New rule: Your first kiss is ultimately inconsequential
In fairy tales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after — no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (like nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) — and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve just been dumped and are looking for validation, perhaps?). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes, like shared values,” points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mindblowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two — either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.
