Yesterday I had a girl write me on OkStupid (My pet name for it), and when looking through the questions she answered, she stated that she thought it was okay to date people who were seeing someone else or married but separated. She wrote me trying to start up a conversation, and I stated I was not interested. She asked why, and here was my response.....
If you must know, first off I'm starting to get interested in someone else at the current moment, but even if that was not making me hesitate, it's the fact that you see no problem with dating people who are seeing someone or married. I didn't get to the other pages, so I'm not sure if there was anything else. Let me tell you some stories as to why I feel that is completely unacceptable.
Me: I was once in love...a big time love, and we had a problem that needed to have me step back a bit. I stepped back but we were STILL seeing one another, and some guy swooped in when she was confused and unsure about what to do. Later, she fully admitted to me that there would've been a huge chance for reconciliation if he wouldn't have done that. Afterwards, however, it was too late, because the trust I had for her was gone. However, IF he wouldn't have been the type to date someone else who was seeing someone else, aka IF he would have done the NOBLE thing to do and stayed away from someone who was secretly confused/hurting, etc. then her and I would've probably been together.
When you intrude during a time someone is seeing someone else, or even married and separated, you're the monkey wrench that could be what screws up the chance for reconciliation. YOU will be the one who screws up the chance for love to reconnect. And yeah, many people will SAY they're really separated and there's no chance, but until it's truly, officially over and finalized, there's always a chance. Case and point: My parents.
They bought a huge house together and it ended up causing so much financial strain that their marriage suffered from it. Their arguments escalated, and in the end it truly seemed like they couldn't stand each other and all of the love was gone. They separated, sold the house, and it seemed like they may be on their way to divorce. However, as they stepped away, they figured out what the problem was, and how it wasn't worth all of that time they devoted to one another, they started seeing one another a little bit at a time and, eventually, the love blossomed again and they ended up back together. Do you think if some other person stepped into the picture and prevented that reconciliation, that would have happened? NO! So, those who do not respect people's relationships OR their chance for reconciliation, in my book, are scum. I'm sorry, but they are. It's not over till' it's over. Period. You don't go throwing a monkey wrench into the works of anything, even if it's on the rocks or SEEMINGLY over, until it is, truly, officially over.
So, after reading your answers to those two questions, I was not just taken back, but it made me feel you were rather selfish and uncaring about others to be able to do something like that. Or, you just haven't been in situations or known people where that would've been a truly bad idea. I don't know which. You call yourself a nice person but, truth be told, that action is NOT a nice action. I don't care what you think "other people do now", because of my personal experiences of myself and my family, I know what the RIGHT thing to do is. I was just deeply saddened that you still don't.
